Just a regular drive up to Grammy’s on a Saturday morning commenced with tears that lasted the entire day…
We were in the car and Ailbe randomly starts singing “Santa Claus is coming to town.” Immediately, I burst into tears. These tears are tears of both sadness and happiness.
Happy, because my daughter, you know the who I was told would never speak, is now singing. Yes singing!
Happy because she makes me proud every single day of life.
Happy to hear what her voice sounds like.
Happy that she’s happy.
Happy that she wants to sing and participate in the holiday season.
But sometimes, I feel sad. I feel sad that we are so different. That she had to endure all of this. That nothing is ever a normal experience for us. People have recently been mentioning that no one is normal and that normal is so hard to attain. As much as I completely agree it’s not the same. For example, there is a dramatic difference between a tantrum from a neuro-typical child and one of a child with “special needs.” And, consequently, the feelings of a mother with a child with special needs are different.
It’s so hard to explain but sometimes my tears just come. When I hear “but, she’s doing so well,” or “she’s amazing,” I feel so proud, yet still so angry. I am angry that my child has had to endure and does endure so many challenges on a daily basis. I am also angry at what this battle has done to myself and also my family. Everyone has there challenges yes but it’s so different when it’s a child. It’s just…so different.
Here’s a quick blurb of Ailbe singing. She is well aware of the camera and makes every effort to not perform in front of one! Her little sis on the other hand aka Bossy Boots, is not so shy 🙂